Sorry about the hiatus. I would like to blame the fact that I was so busy writing my new novel I didn’t have time to do anything. In reality I did complete the word count of my latest NatNoWriMo but the novel isn’t finished and I haven’t typed a single word since the start of December. Not a word outside of a Google search bar for anything; I don’t think I have even composed an email. I had good intentions but I decided to give myself a day or two off and then my boiler died and took all possibility of hot water and heating with it, so I decamped for a week to my step-Dad’s and suddenly I am at the middle of December and I haven’t written a word.
I guess it is periods like this that make me question whether I will ever really be able to think of myself as a writer. I have been listening to Liz Gilbert’s podcasts on creativity – linked to her Big Magic book – and she said that she often only writes for a few concentrated hours a day, sometimes after long periods of no output at all. That all sounds very achievable but if I am really honest with myself, by that reckoning I am due about six months of regular, concerted output after years of minimal effort.
I believe that I should be just giving myself a break for past ineptitude and focusing on better habits and output in the future, but I find that really hard. Resilience is a big battle, possibly one of my greatest. For me a big part of that battle is getting my head into the right place to sit at my laptop and type; to believe that there is any point in trying. I rarely can muster enough self-belief to think that what I create may have real value but I can sometimes get to thinking that it is worthwhile enough for me, personally, to try. That it is a type of therapy. That is why this blog – with my determination to post something each week –has been an ongoing task. I just hope that, as with my aspiration to be a writer, I will be able to get into the habit of making it a reality.