It hasn’t been a good week. No obvious reason for my slump but all those positive plates that I thought were spinning in my life stopped and I couldn’t seem to get them started again. This is probably the thing that I find the hardest in life at the moment – resilience. It doesn’t seem to matter how much I know and remind myself that these hopeless feelings will pass in time, when I am in an emotional black hole it seems endless and I never know for sure that I will find my way out.
In recent times, one of the most difficult things to come to terms with has been the repetition of the incidents themselves; it’s easy to think in a dark moment that there is no point in picking myself up and starting over with good intentions when I will just end up back in the dark place eventually. But, I have to remind myself, there is no point in remaining in the darkness and not trying either. I did that for too long already and I know that there is more chance of better things – even if they cannot be sustained for long periods – when I try than when I don’t. I just hope that one day I can live my life with less dark patches and experience more than just occasional fleeting positive moments when I don’t have to carefully keep myself on course with lists and tasks.