Time is a slippery thing; when I am feeling low or stressed it feels as though five minutes lasts for five hours. Yet when I am full of ideas and projects five days can seem like five minutes.
I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about time. More precisely, the fact that in theory I have heaps and heaps of the stuff yet I am always busy doing things that aren’t really moving my life forward in the way I want. Right now, on a quiet Sunday morning, I can look at my diary for the week ahead and see acres of time. Almost too much time without allocation. I therefore follow up on suggested plans and make arrangements. There will soon be a gratifying smattering of fun plans for the week ahead. I will then draft an achievable yet challenging to do list, using lots of funky bullet journal colours and tropes, with all the things that need to be done alongside the things that I have identified as being desirable goals in my life.
Monday morning will come around and it will all seem pleasingly ordered and do-able, exciting even. This will be the week when it comes together, this will be the week when I take a little step towards getting my life more on track. This will be a time when I start to feel the excitement but also the pressure of the load of expectations. Monday and Tuesday usually see a few things being ticked off but often things prove to be slightly more complicated, or time consuming than I had expected on Sunday.
Fast forward to Wednesday or Thursday and suddenly I seem to have either been over-booked or gotten complacent with all the planning. I am feeling bogged down with engagements and lists. I feel like I am drowning in my own impossible intentions, but I convince myself that tomorrow will make all the difference. Tomorrow I will awaken and be the paragon of virtue. I will tackle everything, I just need to keep on doing the silly things now. Some time out is good, right? Besides, everything is in hand, it’s on a list.
Before I know it I am back on a Sunday. There are more things ‘to do’ than done and I have about four free hours to do half a week’s worth of good intentions. So, with a weary sense of defeat, I identify the most important ones (like writing the weekly blog entry) and focus on three or four ‘have to do’ things. Time has confounded me yet again. Still, there is always next week….