For the last week I’ve had this virus thing. It’s basically what I used to think was flu before I had actual flu; more than a cold but not quite flu. It’s left me feeling really fuzzy at times and reflective at others.
Being sick is one of those times when living alone – as a Sublime Spinster – can be miserable and fabulous. You don’t have anyone to run errands or check up on you or reassure you but at the same time you can wear the same t-shirt for four days straight, never clear up until you are ready and be totally self-involved without having to care a jot about anyone else.
Since I’ve lived alone I’ve learned there are certain key things to remember when you are sick:
- Make either chicken, sweetcorn and noodle broth – with heaps of onions and garlic and/or stew – with heaps of onions and garlic. It doesn’t matter what your breath smells like and even though it feels like a big effort at the time you can eat the results for about 3 days and they will make you better.
- Sleep fixes everything – whether it’s your mood, your head or your sore throat.
- Citrus fruits are your friend; especially in the form of traditional lemonade. Oh, an Ribena is also nostalgic magic.
- Don’t watch too much TV; it’s tempting to take up permanent residence on the sofa but it will only make you feel worse as you will get woozy head.
- And most importantly; at the moment when you feel like you are going mad and will never be well ever again, you about one feverish sleep away from being on the mend and a sense of perspective will be with you in the morning.
I know I am getting better because I braved the outdoor world today to get some supplies (I needed more citrus and veggies), I did ALL the washing up (well I was out of clean pans and mugs) and I had the all important first shower in days. See; that’s another great thing about being ill on your own you don’t have to have a shower until your head can take it.
So, in my time of being an illness-induced hermit I have read quite a bit – though I always seemed to fall asleep – and I have done some small bursts of crafting. Now my head is a little more human I have started to hit the DVD shelf (not literally!) and I am about 30mins into one of my guilty pleasures Julie and Julia.
I’m pretty sure I have waxed lyrical about Norah Ephron before on this blog and it’s hardly the work of a genius to realise that my need to blog was triggered by watching a film about a character who blogs. Indeed I think that was one of the main things that got me into this blogging thing in the first place.
The trouble is that my blog – as is pretty evident – is lacking in any real structure (or gimmick) which means I often find it hard to know what to say. This is actually true of a lot of my life at the moment. I have a pretty good life, I know that, but I often feel like something is missing. You’ll note I said ‘something’ and not someone.
Part of my illness induced self reflection has forced me to see that which we normally have to examine when more serious things happen to us or the ones we love; that the person who I think I should be, or could be, is quite different from the person I actually am a lot of the time. Worse still, I’m not sure that I like the person who I am a lot of the time all that much. And, here’s the really annoying part, my lack of respect for my everyday version of myself leaves me doubting my ability to do the things I need to do to become more of the person I want to, or should, be.
All of this is a really pretentious way of saying that I envy Julie and Julia; not just because their lives are played out by fabulous actresses and are beautifully scripted and lit, but because they found out not only what their passions were but also how to make those passions a part of their everyday lives. By following their passions, initially for purely their own gain, they found their purpose and I would love to find just one of those for myself – a passion or a sense of purpose. I ache to go from existing to living and I think that those emotional connections to what you do each day, even if it’s only for a small part of each day, are central to that emotional resonance.
So, the question for this week is how do you road-test possible passions and interests? Can you just read about them or do you need to try them out or talk with people about them?
In the meantime I think I may make some yummy French cuisine; Bon apetit!